I love my husband, but
he doesn't turn me on anymore
Please bear with me; this is so difficult for me to
put into words. I've been with my husband about 10 years. We met very young,
though I have had other seexual relationships before him. This is not a problem
of HL/LL, though for a time, I did think something was wrong with me. I've
discovered that in fact I have a very HL, just not for my husband.
The problem is, while he is happy with my
performance in the bedroom, he doesn't turn me on. He has no seexual
imagination. He doesn't know how to touch me. He's not a good kisser. The way
he moves, the way he talks, they don't do anything for me. Even the sounds he
makes during seex are not seexy to me. Maybe I'm responsible for not being able
to explain to him what I want... but more on that later.
The thing that really killed it was hygiene issues
on his part... I love giving head, but every time I went down there I was
grossed out by the smell of stale urine. And whenever we did have seex, I'd end
up with bacterial infections that took ages to clear up. I told him he needed
to clean better, which he took poorly, so I became hesitant to say more. I know
now that I should have.
By the time he got the
issue under control, any seexual desire I had for him was gone and dead.
You might be wondering why I ever married him in the
first place. I think the truth is, when we first started dating, infatuation
and novelty overrode our seexual incompatibility. Then we stayed together
through a few years of extreme long distance, so the seex was infrequent.
When we
finally moved in together, we had some very stressful years... unemployment,
then employment in very high-stress jobs. I chalked up my lack of interest in seex
to being stressed out and unhappy with our situation.
During this time though, we were still very
affectionate and loving to each other. It wasn't until things settled down that
I began to realize our incompatibility had no external cause, and it was
something that I needed to come to terms with.
I remember how seex was with a previous partner. He
knew exactly what to do and how to turn me on. Everything he said and did was
indescribably seexy to me, and vice versa. Of course we still communicated to
each other what worked and what didn't, but he would get it right away when I
explained something to him.
Our seexual chemistry was perfect, and I don't
believe there is any way to force that or teach it to a partner who doesn't
have it instinctively... is there?
With that
partner, we were incompatible for other reasons. With my husband, we are great
together in almost every other way but the seex.
He deserves someone who thinks he's the hottest
ever. And I've realized that great seex is something I need in a relationship.
Are we wrong for thinking about calling it quits? Is there more we could do to
salvage our marriage?
I'm just heartbroken that we built so many
hopes and dreams together, and fixing things in the bedroom seems so hopeless.
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