If my dog gets out of the backyard, she takes off.
The street is busy, but she doesn’t know its danger.
My temptation when she runs is to chase her. However, if I chase her she will
keep running. Why shouldn’t she? She is getting what she wants—to go where she
wants to go and to have me go with her.
It’s the best of both worlds for her. It’s horrible
for me. Not only is she running toward danger, but I have to expend the energy
to go after her. She is disobeying, but I am suffering.
When my dog gets out of the backyard, I have to do
the counter-intuitive thing. I have to go the other way. As she runs away from
the backyard, I go to it. And I call her as I go. My action forces a choice.
She has to choose—me or where she wants to go. She doesn’t get both. She has
made the decision to run; now she must make the decision to keep going or come
with me.
Funny
thing—when I chase my dog she keeps running, but when I go away from my dog she
comes back.
What is true with dogs is often true with husbands.
Far too often when a husband runs from his
responsibility, the wife chases him. Terrified of what she might lose she runs
after him begging him to turn around. Ironically her actions can enable his
behavior. Instead of experiencing the consequences of his decision, he is able
to try freedom while keeping the comforts of home. Instead of being forced to
make a decision, he can continue going the direction he is headed without any
loss.
Instead of chasing a running husband, a wife should
stop. She should set her boundaries. She should make it very clear who she is,
where she is, and where she will be. She should communicate her desire for her
husband, her desire to work on their marriage, but her refusal to chase after
him. She should draw her lines in the sand and make it clear she will not cross
them.
She will not live with someone who is having
intimate conversations with other people.
She will not be married to someone who
continues to sleep with other people.
She is going to counseling with or without
her spouse.
These and other boundaries should be communicated
clearly.
Standing one’s ground seems counter-intuitive when a
spouse runs, and it never guarantees a positive outcome, however, it is a much
wiser choice than chasing after someone. If you chase them, they will run. If
you don’t chase them, they will be forced to decide what they want.
When my dog runs, I don’t chase her. Every time I
turn the other way, she turns around and comes to me. But my dog is trained and
loving, not every man is that way.
However, some are. If he runs, don’t chase him.
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